


you say it's enough, in fact it's too much

by nilyn (escherzo)



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Sex Pollen, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-25
Updated: 2008-03-25
Packaged: 2017-11-18 15:33:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escherzo/pseuds/nilyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They said it would be cool and I figured why not," Mikey explained, gritting out every word like it was physically painful to speak. "I was bored. I just. I need to <i>touch.</i>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	you say it's enough, in fact it's too much

Gerard wouldn't have noticed it if Mikey wasn't shaking.

He woke up from a dream in the middle of the night and looked over. Mikey was shaking, quivering so hard he could see it from where he was even in the blackness of their room. His hands were clenched in the sheets.

"Mikey." Nothing. "Mikey." A little louder. Mikey opened his eyes and looked over at Gerard. His face was flushed and he was gritting his teeth.

"Are you okay?"

Mikey shook his head. "I--" But Gerard came closer, kneeling at the side of his bed, running a hand through his hair soothingly. It made Mikey shudder so hard Gerard almost pulled back. "Do you need me to call Mom?" Mikey shook his head again.

"I just. I need." Mikey's voice came out hoarse and he swallowed. 

"Just tell me, Mikey, c'mon. Did you take something?" Mikey nodded almost frantically and he frowned. "From someone at school?" Another nod. "What was it?"

"I don't know, just... Sorry." And before Gerard could ask 'sorry about what?' Mikey leaned forward, pulling him into a kiss.

 

They'd done it before, but only once. They were watching a movie together (Gerard can't even remember which one, it's not the important part of the memory) and Mikey nudged Gerard's hand. Gerard turned to see what Mikey wanted and got lips pressed against his. "Mmph--"

Mikey shrugged, moved closer and slid a hand through his hair, kissing him hard. He hesitated for only a moment and then kissed back, pressing the two of them closer together. The movie went on behind them, forgotten, and Gerard remembered hearing a scream (a horror movie, maybe?), how Mikey laughed right into his mouth at the noise. They broke apart with a wet sound to breathe and Gerard started to say something but Mikey turned back toward the screen. "I wanted to see if it'd be like it was in my dream," he explained, not looking over, and Gerard swallowed hard and settled back, ignoring how small the couch suddenly felt. Because--oh.

They didn't mention it again, except for the time someone asked Mikey about his first kiss and he shrugged, saying nothing, looking at Gerard out of the corner of his eye.

 

So Gerard knew what it was like, only this time Mikey kissed him like he couldn't even help it, sloppy and wet, making little sounds in the back of his throat every time Gerard moved to pull away (to ask him why the hell he took anything and if there was anything he could do to fix it), one hand cupping his cheek and the other running restlessly up and down his thigh. Every time Gerard intended to pull away to breathe Mikey just stopped, lips still connected, breathed in through his nose and pressed forward again. "God, I--" he managed, shifting restlessly, eyes wide and face flushed. It was only when the hand on his thigh slid higher, playing with the strings of his pajama pants, that Gerard broke the kiss. "Mikey."

(Talking didn't seem to be working well.) 

"Mikey. Say something." 

Mikey let out a harsh whine and he clutched at Gerard's hips, fingers digging in. Gerard didn't even realize he was being pushed backwards until he hit the bed, flat on his back, staring up at Mikey. "Mikey, wait. What do you need me to do?" He could feel the way Mikey shuddered as soon as he said it, and he swallowed hard, trying not to blush. "I mean, no. Why did you take something if you didn't know what it was?" He couldn't help feeling protective and arm strength or no arm strength, as soon as he found the person who gave it to Mikey he was going to knock them the fuck out.

"They said it would be cool and I figured why not," Mikey explained, gritting out every word like it was physically painful to speak. "I was bored. I just. I need to touch."

Gerard was glad that he had the 'being a good older brother' excuse because as soon as Mikey said it his entire body went hot and he pulled Mikey down for another kiss. "It's okay," he murmured against Mikey's lips. "You can. What would help? I mean, you can do whatever." Mikey broke the kiss and slid abruptly downwards. Gerard's breath caught. "Wait, you want to--" Mikey looked up at him again with improbably wide eyes, pupils blown, both hands rubbing at Gerard's thighs, and he leaned down to kiss the strip of skin between pajama pants and t-shirt. 

"Can I?" And all Gerard could do was nod helplessly and try not to look down. He just prayed Mikey had done this before because this was well above and beyond being his brother's first kiss.

Mikey shuddered again, hips moving against the mattress, and he slid Gerard's pajama pants and boxers down so fast Gerard missed it when he blinked. He leaned forward, breathing hotly against Gerard's dick before making another noise and going down, mouth impossibly hot. Gerard hissed out a curse and tried to hold still, tried to get his mind to focus on something other than the way Mikey's lips were stretched wide around him, the way his hair fell in his face and shadowed his eyes, the tiny helpless little noises he made every time Gerard shifted. He wished he was a strong enough person to not watch.

It was clear that Mikey didn't really know what he was doing at first. He slid down as far as he could and then frowned, doing nothing for a long moment (until Gerard could feel him start to shake again, like he'd gotten distracted) and then sucked hard, sliding up and pushing back down with a low groan. He wrapped one hand around the base, almost too tight, slid the other down into his own pajama pants, and Gerard could feel the vibrations of every noise he made going straight through him. It was like he couldn't even help it, like he had to do this, with the way he stopped every time he had to breathe like if he didn't he'd just forget. Gerard tried and failed to stifle a moan, biting his lip, and he was almost positive (knew) that Mikey hadn't done this before. Not with anyone, he was the first one to ever feel this, and god, it wasn't enough that he was Mikey's first kiss, now this too. He was just glad that Mikey decided to take freaky sex drugs (and what the fuck, seriously) when their parents were out of town.

Mikey figured out what he was doing somewhere between one breath and the next, getting a rhythm going, doing something with his tongue that made Gerard swear and buck helplessly, hands tightening in the sheets. "Fuck, Mikey." Mikey's whole body went taut at the sound and he made another noise, louder, coming in his pajama pants. Gerard stared, squeezing his eyes shut a second later when Mikey kept going, sucking hard and hollowing his cheeks. 

"Mikey. Mikey, come on. Come on, pull off, I'm going to--" Gerard gripped Mikey's hair tight, trying to get him to come up, but all it did was make Mikey moan helplessly and close his eyes. "Mikey." It didn't seem to matter what he did because Mikey either wasn't listening or couldn't. 

Gerard tried to hold back because sex drugs or no sex drugs, coming in his brother's mouth seemed over the line, but Mikey twisted his hand insistently and groaned again and Gerard was gone, coming so hard he felt like he was going to black out. "Fuck, are you okay?" he managed after a moment, because Mikey had pulled off and was coughing a little, trying to swallow. Mikey shook his head, sliding upwards again, straddling Gerard's thigh. "It wasn't enough," he said, frustrated, grinding down. "Shit."

"You have stuff, right?" he asked after a moment, and Gerard tried to force his brain to catch up. "I know you do, I've seen you do it to yourself." He stared at Gerard, gaze unfocused, licking his lips almost unconsciously. The shaking wasn't gone but it was better, like doing that had somehow made it easier for him. "Can we--I need to." He nuzzled his nose against Gerard's neck, breathing hard.

Gerard froze. It was mostly the thought of oh God I think my little brother just asked if he could fuck me and a little oh God I think I want to. 

"Mikey," he said carefully, trying not to pass out on the spot, "You--" He couldn't think of how to ask it without just coming out and asking it. "You, um. Do you want to fuck me?" He tried not to hold his breath. But Mikey shook his head, leaning in again, teeth grazing the side of Gerard's neck as he spoke. "You should." He shuddered, hips jerking against Gerard's thigh. Gerard froze again.

"Wait, you want me to fuck you?" It came out weaker than he intended and he could feel his stomach twist when Mikey nodded, frantic. Oh fuck. He forced himself to ignore the insistent way Mikey was shifting against him, trying to think. On one hand, he knew absolutely that Mikey hadn't done this, and he would be damned if he was the first person who ever fucked Mikey and the first person who ever kissed him. On the other, it wasn't as though he didn't want to (too much, that was the problem) and Mikey was still pressing against him, making sounds like he was in actual physical pain, and--he was going to kill whoever gave it to Mikey. Kill them with his bare hands. And enjoy it. 

"Shh," he murmured, petting a hand through Mikey's hair soothingly. "We can. It's okay. Just hang on a sec." He tried to get up without letting Mikey fall off the bed, shifting out from under him as carefully as he could, and rifled through his dresser drawer, trying to will his heart to stop pounding because shit he said they were actually going to do it. His hands were shaking by the time he actually got back to Mikey's bed with the lube and a condom, and for a moment he wasn't even sure if he was going to be able to go through with it with his nerves like this--Mikey had never done it before and he himself had only twice and if he hurt Mikey he was never going to forgive himself.

"Are you sure?" he asked, climbing back onto the bed, not even noticing as it creaked loudly in protest. "I mean, totally sure? I--what did that stuff do to you?" Some part of him had to wonder if Mikey was even aware of what he was asking for (or if he would even remember that it happened). But Mikey made a frustrated noise and pulled Gerard closer, trying to get the both of them horizontal.

"Gerard." He actually rolled his eyes, which Gerard took as a good sign. "I am all there upstairs. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to forget this happened and whatnot--" and Gerard started wondering when Mikey became telepathic "--I just really need to do this." And Gerard let himself stop worrying.

Mikey tried to slide his pajama pants down and pull Gerard on top of him at the same time and Gerard almost laughed as they got trapped at his knees, would have if not for Mikey's expression, flushed and desperate, hands clawing at Gerard's shirt. "Hey, it's okay, I've got it." Gerard sat up, sliding it over his head and tossing it aside. He knew it wasn't anything Mikey hadn't seen before--they shared a room and it was small, the only thing Mikey hadn't seen was him having sex with someone. And, well.

"Are you still--" If Mikey had any reservations whatsoever or showed any signs of not knowing what was going on, he was stopping, no matter how much he wanted to keep going. But Mikey nodded, fumbling blindly for the lube with one hand, not wanting to move from the way they were pressed together, skin-to-skin. His hand finally closed around it and he handed it to Gerard, other hand clenching and unclenching in the sheets reflexively. "You know how this goes?" Gerard asked, nose wrinkling as he slicked up his fingers (it always felt a little like alien slime, no matter how much he tried not to think about it). 

"Like--come on-- I said, I've seen you do it to yourself." 

Gerard flushed despite himself, but Mikey was practically writhing underneath him and Gerard wasn't about to make him wait. "Okay, just. Tell me to stop if you need to," he said, pressing a finger in, slow. Like flipping a switch, Mikey's shaking abruptly calmed but his hand was gripping Gerard's arm tightly, breathing ragged. And then Gerard crooked his finger experimentally, and the hand on his arm tightened, vise-like. Mikey whimpered, biting his lip hard, eyes squeezing shut. "More, come on." It was like scratching an itch--he started shaking again but it eased when Gerard slipped another finger in alongside the first, twisting them. Mikey shifted restlessly, fucking himself down on Gerard's fingers, making breathy little noises with every exhale, eyes closed like he'd die if he opened them. "Just do it already, I'll be fine, I just need--now." His voice was wrecked, hoarse and shaky, and he swallowed convulsively, hand around Gerard's arm tightening further almost to the point of pain.

"Mikey, wait." Gerard wanted to listen to him, but he wasn't about to hurt Mikey, no matter how much Mikey begged him to do it. No matter how much he wanted it. "Just a little more, okay?" A little more and then Gerard would be ready to fuck him, oh god. He added a third finger, trying to focus with Mikey's fingers practically clawing at him, trying to urge him on. "Okay," he said after a long moment, taking a deep breath. "Okay, we can do it."

He slid his fingers free, fumbling for the condom and the lube, and god, he was shaking almost as hard as Mikey was. This wasn't some casual thing with a random stranger. This was a big deal (this was Mikey) and he didn't know what was going to happen once Mikey got it out of his system. But Mikey's hand was holding his arm so tight he could feel the circulation cutting off and he sounded like he was in pain again and that--whatever happened afterwards could go fuck itself. "Roll over?" he asked, biting his lip. Mikey nodded and let go of Gerard's arm, turning and instead fisting his hands in the sheets. His hips jerked into the mattress and Gerard couldn't help the way the breathless "Nnh." got to him.

"It's okay, I've got you." Gerard let his hands come down to bracket Mikey's hips, dropping a light kiss to the back of his neck. He took another deep breath in a final attempt to steel his nerves and started to push in, slow. Mikey tried to jerk backwards onto him as soon as he did it and he had to grip Mikey's hips tighter to keep him from moving. "Just--wait." He could feel the way Mikey swallowed and tried to speak, managing nothing but a choked whimper, still trying to move. "Gerard," Mikey managed after a long moment when Gerard did nothing, just tried to let him get used to it, "I'm not going to break. Move." 

Gerard was never good at refusing Mikey anything. Not now, especially, not when he felt like if he stayed any longer he would come on the spot. He pushed forward just a little, gripping the sheets tightly, and even that little movement forced a groan out of Mikey, rough and almost animal. His hips snapped in harder reflexively at the sound, fighting desperately for his own control. "Fuck, Mikey, sorry--" But Mikey wasn't objecting, far from it, making tiny helpless noises every time Gerard moved like it was too much to take. He pushed up against the mattress and Gerard snaked a hand under them both, wrapping around his dick, trying to get it in time with his thrusts. It didn't work very well, not with the weight of both of their bodies pressing down, but Mikey didn't seem to care, with the way he whimpered, trying to press into Gerard's hand and back against him at once. 

Even with Mikey like that, Gerard was the one who came first, failing to stifle an embarrassingly high sound, hips jerking hard before stilling, moving his hand over Mikey faster, and Mikey followed only a split-second later. He rolled over as soon as Gerard pulled out, wincing a little, and leaned up to kiss Gerard again. "Thanks," he managed breathlessly when they pulled apart, smiling faintly. 

"Are you gonna be okay?" Gerard didn't intend to let the issue drop and if Mikey needed him to keep it up all night, well. He could do it, if Mikey let him get coffee first. But Mikey took a calming breath and then nodded, flexing his muscles experimentally. "I might need to wake up and jerk off in a bit. But. Yeah. Can we sleep in your bed?" He poked experimentally at the mess on the sheets, nose wrinkled. "Ew."

Gerard had to smile at that. "Yeah, c'mon." Neither of them bothered getting dressed but Gerard's blanket was warm and he wrapped around Mikey tightly, head on his shoulder. "What did the guy who gave it to you look like?" He still wanted to knock him out. Or kill him. Or one and then the other. 

Mikey frowned. "I don't know. He was this tall, skinny dude. Dark hair. He hangs around outside sometimes." 

"And you bought this stuff?"

"I'm not going to do it again, dude. Now come on, I'm tired." He yawned and curled closer, shrugging, and Gerard sighed and closed his eyes. 

He could deal with that in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Standard disclaimer applies: Obviously none of this happened and I am ninety five percent certain drugs do not even work this way and Mikey Way stop googling yourself this instant.


End file.
